???? by K.D. Lang - 5.52 MB
Here I am again as promised, ASimWen, to fill you in on the strange but true happenings at the Asylum Cretin. Hey, see that? That is Pretend President George Bush. Yep, he peed himself. 'Member I told you he peed himself after watchin' the cooking channel all day? Here is the proof. Man, I wonder what he would do if he found out there are spy cameras all over this house? Well, after all, the President approves of spying on folks so I guess Pretend George would think it is ok too.
When I got home from work Tuesday morning, I was §500 richer, over and above my daily salary of §330 as a Security Guard. Not that me makin' a bunch of money matters a whit. Yeah. I can't buy nothin' for this house except for food, and to replace anything that gets repossessed/stolen/or burned down. Burned down? Heh. I don't think so. But it was still nice to have that extra jingle in my pocket.
Wednesday was rough, man. I worked really hard and got a promotion, but it took alot out of me.
I came home and passed out in the hallway. Freddie was whimpering he was hungry..well mister, why don't you get something to eat? Finally his whining roused me from my nap on the cold hard floor, and I made some gelatin for everyone. In fact, I made three plates of it. Hopefully enough to last the night. I worked on some skills that evening, then went to bed.
The next day saw another promotion for me. I got out of the Police Academy, and went right back out to work on the streets. I didn't even get a chance to go in the house and check on anybody or anything. I just got right back in the car and went back to work. It seemed like this law enforcement job was just the right thing for me. I seemed to be moving right on up. And, I might add, so was Norma Jean.
Norma and Alice seemed to be getting on very friendly terms. If you 'member, they became great friends their first day here, a couple of days ago. Now they are friendly enough they hug alot and stuff. Well.....
Pretend President Bush seems to like Norma too. They have frequent pillow fights.
I got home from work that night, and had earned another promotion! Man! Two in one day! I now got to sit at a desk where life was a little easier on me. It was better for everybody at the Cretin too, seein' how I have to be there to check on their every need. I can't afford to let myself get so run down that I can't help out the residents of this place. After all, it is my job to keep 'em alive. Lemme tell ya.
I got home from my double shift, and everybody was hungry, especially Harry. I don't mean "Hey my belly is growlin'" type of hungry, I mean STARVIN' hungry.
Harry was on the verge of starving. Literally. I got on the phone and ordered both a pizza, and some groceries. I was so hungry to work up the ladder in my career, I didn't notice there was no food in the refridgerator. Nobody around here apparently knew how to dial the telephone to order anything to eat! Put out some gelatin and we began stuffin' our faces. Then Joy started in. She was hungry too. Eventually she quit complaining and ate something. I am surprised she didn't take care of things whilst I was gone. Gad. Maybe the crazies are rubbin' off on her.
Harry is quite the lover when he isn't complaining. Mmmm....did he look sexy in that Scooby Doo underware! I just couldn't help myself. I felt like I needed to make up to him for not havin' any food in the fridge. I wish our smoochin' could have improved his mood some, but it did not. At work they tell me I am 'playing with fire' getting close to the residents like this. I dunno. I just think Harry is totally dreamy! (They have two bolts)
Harry thought long and hard about our kiss.
The next thing I know, Freddie had Harry cornered in the kitchen asking him all about it. Come on Freddie...you are GAY for gosh sakes!
"And, uh, it's like...uh..a kiss, ya know? Even better than bustin' broncos.."
Alics was so tired he passed out in the hallway on his way to the shower. Man, the people in this house have so much passion about what they are doing at the moment they push themselves to the brink of starvation, or to the point of passing at because of sleep. Jennifer just steps around him on her way to bed. She doesn't care.
Well, here is Norma Jean at it again. Huggin' everyone. Alice is put out because Norma interrupted a pillow fight with him to hug Harry. Hmm. Maybe I ought to keep an eye on that relationship. Harry can't turn down any lady's attentions, apparently. Maybe I am makin' a mistake there!
There have been lots of squabbles over the toilet. The thing clogged up the first day and I haven't bothered to fix it. The residents are getting lots of cleaning experience under their belts constantly mopping up the floor everytime it floods when someone does happen to try to flush it.
It sure doesn't look like Harry and Freddie are buddies here. I guess when it comes to the basic needs...nobody is your friend!
Ah. Alice seems to be spreading his wings a little bit with the women after he found Norma Jean huggin' Harry. He and Jennifer-not-Sidney have become best buddies. Hm. I guess any man would find it hard to ignore Jennifer the way she struts herself around in that skimpy underware.
Freddies' turn to pass out in the hallway. In the same exact spot I did. Heh. Must be a good sleeping spot.
Pretend President George Bush sleeps on the love seat alot. He has nightmares there. Here he seems to be dreaming something horrible about Jennifer. Bah. How could George know anything like that???? He constantly mumbled... "Get away! Get away Jennifer...Ohhh...poor Jennifer...."
Well I end my first week in the Asylum Cretin with another promotion. Now I am halfway up the career ladder here. :) See ya next time!