Welcome to the Asylum. The Asylum Cretin is where special folks go who have hit a rough spot in life. What happened to them? Well, the residents of the Asylum are famous. Oh yes. And not forgotten by their adoring public. But where are they? Haven't seen 'em for a while. Well, let me tell you. I will introduce you to each and every one, and you will remember them. Let's get started.
Who am I? Eh, I am ASimWen. The chick in the green there in the picture looking very humble sitting on my knees. I am currently appearing in many challenges and blogs. In this one, I am the Leader. The Caretaker of these crazy people. I will tell ya more about myself as I take you through the Asylum Cretin. But for now, let’s talk about the residents of the Asylum Cretin. I will try to give you some background on
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Rawhide by Frankie Laine
Poor poor Daniel. Errrr....Harry Potter. Errrr...Harry. Yeah. Harry was in movies when he was a kid. Didn't really wanna be. His parents realized early in Harry’s life the child had acting abilities early in his life. First it was commercials, then TV, and then the Big Time. Movies. Harry was a regular money maker for dear ol’ Dad. Since Harry hit the Big Time, his parents ran it all. Everything was planned out for him right down to the color of underware he put on in the morning, to his studying schedule with his tutor in between takes on the movie soundstage where ever he was shooting his latest film. Harry really did want to please his parents. Really he did.
But there is one thing Harry harbored. See, Harry has a small
collection of Zane Grey novels hidden in the corner of his closet. They are soft and dog earred with yellowing pages. The bodygaurd who worked as Hary's shadow gave them to him in a kindly gesture when Harry confided to him one day his desire to be a cowboy when he grew up. Harry knew his parents would flip out if they knew. He kept it to himself.
It was bound to happen. Oh yes. Harry woke up one morning calling himself Zane Grey. He was Zane the Cowboy. Not Zane Grey the author. Buy this time, Harry was 21, old enough to decide for himself what he wanted in life. He never went back to the movie set, ever. But the day Harry climed up onto the back of the sofa and rode it like a bucking bronco and yelling "Git along, lil' doggies!" Harry's parents knew something
needed to be done. Harry was immediately placed in the care of the Asylum Cretin. Oh yes, they just happened to have an open bed for Romance Sim Harry. Harry is a Leo.
Harry likes to spend his time talking about love and woo-hoo at the Asylum, and hopes someday to actually have some Woo-Hoo. Now that he is grown up.
This kindly gentleman thinks he is the President of the United States. He even calls himself George. George is a Family Sim who wants to make friends with everyone, and loves to clean. In real life, George's name is errr….well….George Bush. He can never become President of the United States, because he was not born on US soil.
Errr..yeah. That's it. Texas is a foreign country, is it not? Seems like it should be, it is large enough to be a small country. His family commited him to Cretin when he insisted the family whistle "Hail To The Chief" whenever he entered the room, and began taking his meals at a podium.
In the Cretin, George enjoys the pillow fighting, eating gelatin, and mopping up the bathroom floor. George is a Taurus.
Joy Capehart-Robbins is now starring in her second challenge on the Internet, that being the Asylum Cretin. Joy actually comes from Prosperity Falls, where she is married to Romance Sim Xuan Robbins. Joy agreed to come to the Cretin when I offered her lots of Simoleons to help me out. She agreed, under the condition that she could hang out with the President. She said she had some issues to discuss concerning Alien Rights. I agreed that she could talk to George about that, but I really didn’t know how far she would get with George.
Joy is a Popularity Sim at the Cretin. She loves playing chess, reading, and making friends. She is a Gemini.
Jennifer the Pizza Girl really was an actress. Everybody already tells her how much she looks like Sidney Bristow from the TV Show Alias. Little did they know, she actually was Sidney Bristow. Except she worked at Pizza Hut. Except she really can't come to work every day in a limo like she used to. Except she had to dye her hair back to brown because her elderly parents found the pink hair to be a little excentric. Except, except, except. Hrumph.
Jennifer the Actress now serves pizza because that is how quirky the world is when it comes to celebrities. One minute you are at the top of the charts, and the next minute nobody knows your name. Unlike Cheers. Everybody knows your name there. Apparently. Hum, maybe Jennifer ought to start serving up drinks with Sammy and Woody. Move over Carla! Jenn had spent so much of her TV fortune on living the Hollywood lifestyle, she couldn't keep paying the bills when she fell from grace with the TV viewing public when it was announced by Tom Cruise in national TV she had a secret dependacy on anti-depressants. Of course, every one beleived it. Her ratings plummeted and the networked replaced her with Oprah Winfrey. After all, Oprah can pull in the ratings.
Jennifer went a tad on the crazy side, missing the ritzy lifestyle she used to have. Now she serves pizza with the rest of the working stiffs just to eek out a living. She came to live at the Cretin because the livin' was cheap. Even though there wasn't enough beds to go around. Even though there was 1 communal shower where that creep Alice Cooper keeps staring at her. Where that guy who thinks he is the president keeps coming into the bathroom and mopping up the floor around her feet whilst she is doing her business. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Jennifer likes to stare out the window, peruse the daily want ads for an acting position, and play kicky bag. Jennifer is a Pleasure Sim, and is a Gemini.
Norma Jean looks an awful lot like Marilyn Monroe. Everyone says so. However, the fact that Marilyn Monroe was reported as being "found in the nude" has never rubbed well with Norma. Gosh, what if she was found in the nude? Oh my! The thought of being found naked when Norma met her Maker has worried the girl beyond reason. Not only can Norma not hardly get naked when she is getting ready for bed, she finds it nearly impossible to shower in the communal shower room. So, to lessen the chances of being found naked and dead, she has perfected a quick spin to change out of her Marilyn Monroe dress to her jammies (which amazingly looks like underware) but has yet to find a way to shower without getting naked. She is workin' on that.
Norma has thought that maybe if she befriended some of the more liberal minds at the Cretin (where she decided to move into on her own, everyone is accepted for who they are here despite their hangups) she might loosen up a little herself and get over the nude worries. She has made great friends with Alice. Ahem. If anyone can teach a girl to let it all loose, it is Alice.
Norma is a Popularity Sim who finds it extremely easy to make friends. She likes to hug, play stringed instruments, and watch the Yummy channel. She is a Leo.
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by Davey Jones and the Monkees
Freddie is Freddie is Freddie. Freddie is gay, and has the voice of an angel. The man has a voice range of four octaves.
*Sigh* What brought such musical brilliance to the Cretin? Well, apparently Freddie snapped. Yup, just like that. He now believes the best thing
to ever happen to Pop and Rock music is Davey Jones, from the 60's band The Monkees.
Yeah. In fact, Freddie is so crazy about Davey, he goes around with The Monkees emblazoned on his shirt. Errr....well. The picture above of Freddie is not a good one to show off his shirt. You will see him in it later on. Freddie was admitted to the Cretin by his fellow band mates when he began using music from old Monkees albums as back up music during thier jam sessions. Can you blame them?
Freddie spends his days at the Asylum Cretin looking for a tape recorder so he can sing into it. He just about has "DayDream Believer" down to an art...he sounds just like Davey. He wants to record it to play to his mates when he gets out. Maybe they will record it too! Just like Davey did~
Other than that, Freddie likes to sing in the shower, bake toaster pastries, and hug Norma Jean. He is a Family Sim, and an Aquarius.
Meet Alice. Yup, Alice Cooper. Alice's mother had a gender confusion problem when he was born. Mrs. Cooper wanted a girl. When Alice was finally born after a long exhausting labor and delivery, to Mrs. Cooper's horror, it was announced heartily by the attending physician her little girl Alice had extra equipment. *sigh*. Ol' Mrs. would not entertian the idea that she had a son instead of a daughter, and named Alice....errr...Alice...anyway. Mr. Cooper silently accepted his wife's strange physcosis and vowed to make sure little Alice played in the dirt with dumptrucks, climbed trees, and played little league baseball.
All went well when Mr. Cooper was home. He taught the boy how to pee standing up, and later on how to catch, and how to grill a mean steak. But, when Mr Cooper worked late at the office, Mrs. Cooper's physcosis set in. Alice was dressed in frilly little things, given lessons on how to have a successful tea party with teddy bears and dollies, and learned how to handle a pair of scissors with great stealth so as to be able to cut out paper dolls without sacrificing limbs.
Talk about confusion. It came to a head one day when teen Alice was confronted by both parents one day in the kitchen. Mrs. Cooper was waving a turkey baster shouting out the merits of basting the bird every 15 minutes, whilst Mr. Cooper earnestly explained the workings of the combustion engine.
Alice couldn't take it anymore. He ripped off his apron, wiped his hands on a dishtowel and out the back door he went. He jumped onto his Harley and roared off into the sunset, never to be seen again by Mr. and Mrs. Cooper. So there you go. Alice is a product of confusion. No wonder he is at the Asylum Cretin.
Alice likes to watch sports on the TV, have lengthy and sensitive conversations with Norma Jean (to keep in touch with his feminine side), and cooking spaghetti. Alice is a Popularity Sim, and is an Aquarius.
This is me, myself, and I. Heh. No not really. There isn't three of us. Just me. I kinda watch over things here. *smile* I am only here for a short while. My job is to become their hero. Yes, a Captian Hero. I shall be the Heroine over all of Other Challeges Town. Right now I am just a Security Gaurd. But when I make it to the top...I am done. I am outta here, to leave these crazies alone by themselves. I am a Pop sim, and I am a Leo. Wow, with so many Pop Sims in the house, it shouldn't be too difficult.
I will give you a start on how it has gone so far. Here we are in front of the Asylum Cretin. Yeah. Kinda spooky lookin'. It has 5 beds. But wait a minute..there are 8 of us. I guess we will have to sleep in shifts. There are two chairs, and two love seats...that means 6 of us can sit at once. We have a chess table to develop logic, a bass guitar to develop creativity, a bookshelf to develop mechanical, cooking and cleaning abilities, a TV for entertainment and cooking larnin' , a mirror to develop charisma, and a treadmill to keep us fit. To keep us entertained. Yeah. Oh and a sink, toilet, shower, a stove, fridge, and counter space to fit four of us at once cooking. I have a car to get back and forth to work as that really helps me get promotions.
The first thing I did when I ulocked the doors to the Cretin, was turn on the TV to the Yummy channel. I figured everyone needed to learn how to at least boil water. Then maybe we could eat rock soup. George loved it. He sat there from about 9:30 am until 4 PM that evening watching. Then he got up and peed himself 'cuz he had sat there so long. Really comforting to see our President peeing himself.
I didn't find watching TV real interesting. I put out two plates of gelatin and got a book from the bookshelf and started learning about the best cleaning products to use to clean up blood in a crime scene. Ewww.
Ah. Norma Jean and Alice seem to be getting along famously. Norma must have been harboring a want to make friends. These two spent hours and hours talking the first day at the Cretin. There is a definite attraction there. More power to them.
Well, I am fortunate. A job in law enforcement came up for me our first day here. It is at night as a Security Gaurd, but I will take it. I will take anything I can get. I guess that is it. Oh? My take on things around here?
For the rest of you who think you can successfully play the Asylum Challenge....get this..
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We Will Rock You
by The Late Great Freddie Mercury and Queen
Heh. The next time you hear from me, I plan to be higher in my job. Toodles for now....